Seattle Babies

What to do about MIL

Just a little bit of background. My MIL lives pretty close to us but gets really bad migraines all the time and we hardly ever see her. She has canceled plans on us so many times I've lost count. I actually didn't see her for a year and a half after my wedding even though it only takes 15 minutes to get to her house.

Anyway she is coming around a little bit (since we told her we are expecting) and she actually came out for Christmas dinner. During dessert she made a comment about how my bread pudding was so good I should make it before I go into labor so they can all sit around and eat it while I am over in the corner pushing away. She said it in a joking manner but it really gave me the impression that she expects to be in the room with us. DH and I have said from the get go that it would just be us and our midwife. I don't want a huge audience. The birth center that we are going to has a "family room" where the family can wait till we are ready for them to come in and see us.

It's probably nothing but it's been eating away at me for 2 days now. I want DH to talk to her but he thinks that she was just joking and doesn't expect to be in there with us.


Re: What to do about MIL

  • I think you should go on a tour of the birthing center and afterwards, be all excited to tell MIL about all of the great features of the place  And say 'You'll love it - there's a great family waiting room where you guys can hang out if you want to come!!  It's really nice!"
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  • I totally agree with Jill!
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  • That's a good idea, I hate bursting her bubble but maybe if I'm all excited about it she wont want to burst mine Big Smile
  • Jill has a great idea. That way you know you at told her and if she brings it up again have DH say something.

    I also don't see in-laws very much. MIL actually canceled on us Christmas day. Yes, her Grandaughters first Christmas and she bailed. Nice. 

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  • I gave birth at the Puget Sound Birth Center, and even though they had a family room, we were there for such a short time, it didn't make sense for us to invite family there. Labor wasn't something I ended up wanting an audience for, and I was in no shape for conversation or even hearing polite small talk. We didn't arrive at the birth center until it was pretty much time to push, in the middle of the night, and afterwards, having time to cuddle with the baby and get cleaned up in privacy was really nice. We went home about 3-4 hours after he was born, and family came to visit us at home.

    I'm sharing this just because when I was pregnant, figuring out how to tell family whether they could come or not was a big deal, and it ended up being different than I'd imagined. What ended up best was the arrangement I had with both our parents, that we would call while in labor whenever it ended up being convenient to call, and would talk to them then about whether to come meet us at the birth center or at home. We ended up not being able to call until after the baby was born, but as it was the middle of the night, they were just fine with that.

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  • Hmm, at this point I'm not sure I'd worry too much about it, you've got a ways to go before it's crunch time.  :)  As you get closer there will be more opportunities for you or DH to let her know how the day is going to go in a casual way without making it a huge deal.  If she keeps insisting then your DH might have to have "the talk" with her like mine did the day before I had my baby.  It was an ugly thing and something I wish we could have avoided but she unfortunately wouldn't take hints.  Hopefully your MIL was just joking, honestly it's pretty nice you're going to let them wait in the waiting room, lots of people these days (myself included) don't even want that.  :)
    -Deborah
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  • I absolutely understand how you must feel.  She doesn?t sound to be exactly the type of person you can be frank with.  I think just being excited about the center and telling her how nice the family waiting room is absolutely is a fantastic idea!  That is, if she continues to come around.  =)  Good luck.

  • Ditto Cwhip.

    I think you have plenty of time to drop hints.  You and DH should get on the same page about it now (because he will likely be the one calling people).  And hopefully you won't have to actually un-invite her.

    And it might be a generational thing.  Years ago, they didn't even allow hubbies in the delivery room and the doctors were very authoratative so you only had whatever older female relatives were around for comfort.  Maybe she thinks sitting in the room is her duty?

  • Maybe she meant the waiting room? JK family is crazy. We had a fight with my mom on this. Everyone else was ok through about coming after we called them to come see ds.
  • You know, the other option is simply not to call them and tell them anything until after the baby is born.  They dont' have to know your'e on the way to the hospital.
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