3rd Trimester

in tears tonight...

I just had the most beautiful shower this past weekend. My MIL came down early and had brought down three HUGE bags of things she's been buying for the last 8 months. She has also bought most of our nursery too. Now I am compleatly grateful and excited. But from the moment she arrived the rude and insensitive comments started to fly. Like "you look puffy"....or "I wondered at your wedding when you said your dress felt tight" or the girls mom aways gets the short end of the stick when it comes to the baby."  Okay...Puffy?...I was taking finals all week...working full time and waiting up til 11pm for her to arrive...I have explained how our DD has come to be (on our honeymoon) but she insists that i was pregnant before and had become convinced of it since I have GD and she's measuring 2 weeks ahead.  And with comments like these...why the hell would I want to be around someone like this? My mom is staying with us for just a week  after the baby's born...that's it. Why would I not want my mom with me?  So tonight was the best comment ...that we didn't prepare for this child and have no idea how expensive babies are. And holding the $3,000 she's spent so far over our heads.  We never asked for her to go to this extreme! I'm almost 34 years old..and I think I have a good idea.  I have lost all patients with this woman and with my hormones raging I don't think I could be nice once we have to travel to see them this thursday. Any suggestions on how to handle this? I have told discussed our conception date and how GD works but she is one that has to be right no matter what...and I think that is what is driving me nuts.

Re: in tears tonight...

  • Yikes, sorry you have to deal with that.  Have you asked your DH to talk to her about her comments and how they aren't productive?  I'd start there. 
    living it up in Disney for my 2nd birthday!
  • I know it is hard but I would just try not to let it bother you. But maybe that is why my relationship with my SIL and MIL sucks because I'm passive and just hold everything in. Good Luck.
  • wow! you're handling it way better than I would be. It's not like you're 18 years old and had a shot gun wedding. My dress was tight too, but I ate and drank my a$$ off all day! Like PP said, I'd start with having DH talk to her and if I continues, I'd have the talk. GL and let us know how it goes.?
  • Dh and I have taked about it and we are going to talk to her at Christmas. But I am sure it will be in one ear and out the other.
  • I'm really sorry she is being that way to you.  I hate when people give gifts and then hold them above your head, because that's not what gift giving is about.  As for the conception thing, who gives a fvck if it was before you were married or after?  WHy is she making that such an issue?  Would she love that baby any less if it was before you got married?  I bet if you asked her that, she wouldn't know what to say.  I don't blame you for not knowing what to say...maybe your DH can say something to her about this, because you really don't need the additional stress at this point in your pregnancy.

    Side note:  I was 17 weeks pregnant when I got married...we were planning on trying in October, but on Mother's Day this year I got a BFP.  Oh well!!!  :D

  • I bet you got married 3 weeks before me. I have a honeymoon baby too.

    I'm sometimes bothered by the people try "doing the math" but at the same time I want to scream 'Who cares!? Get a life people."

    Don't let it bother you. There is only so many ways you can explain things to her.  

    W (2009), N (2012), and C (04/2014)
  • Her comment that you must have been pregnant before the wedding is ridiculous.  So... she thinks because your baby is measuring two weeks big that means you were two weeks pregnant when you got married??? There's no way you would know you were 2 weeks pregnant (unless you are THAT in tune with your body) and I hardly think that would mean your dress would be tight at 2 weeks.  And, even if you were... WHO CARES?  Isn't it great that you are pregnant?!? Is she thinking you tricked her son into marrying you? BTW, I've been married for 3 years - and my baby is measuring 2 weeks ahead, too. :)

    Do you think she has some other issue going on here?  How did she act when you got married? Was she happy you became a part of the family or did it seem like she thought you were stealing her son?  Do you think her primary reason in buying baby gifts is so that she could have some control over how you and your husband raise your baby? Is she afraid that you and your husband will leave her out of the picture and not allow her to see your baby as much as your parents get to see her? What is prompting her to say that you aren't prepared? Can you EVER be completely financially prepared to have a baby? My guess is NO.

    Maybe it's time for your husband to step in and have a heart-to-heart with his mom and find out what's going on... and then tell her to BE NICE!

    Hang in there!!!

  • god that is awful. im so sorry you have to deal with this. youre 34 and i think you have every right to get pg right away if not even before the wedding... its time!! You're not 18!! i think that your DH is the one who needs to step up and set his mom straight. He needs to explain to her that if these horrible comments and behaviors continue that he will have to distance your little family from her. She sounds like she needs a threat like that to kick her in the butt and realize that is no way to treat her DIL. Its not like if she didn't buy you all that crap you wouldn't be able to raise a baby... you might have less, but the baby wouldn't care. I really hope it gets better for you!! It's DHs responsibility to have a serious talk with his mom, not yours. She will always love her little boy no matter what, and he needs to show her she cant get away with that shit!
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  • I would have DH have a sit-down with her, she needs to know that her behavior is completely inappropriate.  As far as the $3,000 dollars she spent, next time she tries to hold it over your heads ask if she'd like the items or money back...because a gift should NEVER be used to control you.
  • Yikes! I'd tell your DH about everything, and how it makes you feel. Just because she's bought you things doesn't give her the right to treat you so badly & belittle you. Does she make comments like these to DH also? because he was there for the conception too you know. It's completely inappropriate. If she's not receptive to hearing all this, I'd refuse some of the gifts she's given. The emotional support is so much more important than the financial support. Good luck!
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  • I would definitely have a talk with DH, but also I would have a heart to heart with her yourself. It is of my opinion to lay down some ground rules  with the MIL as early as possible. Your DH should be in on it but you should voice your opinion fully and clearly (right down what has upset you). Speak your mind. DO NOT DO THIS CHRISTMAS DAY!! Could cause unneeded drama. She sounds like she likes to upset you. But on the flip side it's all in the way you say things. For instance... I wanted to ask you MIL  do you know how upsetting your comments are sometimes? Or Send a thank you note and flowers for everything she has bought and if she hangs the money over your head say to her we are running out of space for things please let us know if you are planning on buying anymore and we will let you know if it's ok.Anyway as upsetting as it is she will continue this the rest of your child's life so address it now ! Find a solution and make sure DH is supportive of you not her!!
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