3rd Trimester

Why do people say this?

Whenever anyone finds out that I'm planning on natural, un-medicated childbirth, they always have quite a reaction.  I've been laughed at, been told "just you wait and see," "you'll never be able to do it," etc.  I find this really discouraging and it makes me question if I will be able to do it.  I have thought about having a friend "on call" for the delivery in case I want a second support person, but none of my friends have done delivery without an epidural.  In fact, I don't know anyone in my generation who has done natural childbirth. 

Anyone else get these comments?  Do they upset you?

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Re: Why do people say this?

  • i'm not planning on a natural birth, but don't let them make you feel like you can't do it!!  women have been having baby's for a gazillion years and they did it without drugs!  the lady about our birthing class said that some women put a sign on their door that says, 'don't ask me about pain medication.'  that way, they know not to ask.

    you can totally do it!!!

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  • I never did because I got an epi and always planned on it.  But I say more power to you!  I wasn't even in any pain yet, but was so panicked by the thought of pain that nurse ordered an epi for me early.  I think anyone who can do it naturally is amazing, and you CAN do it.  I felt my contractions at the end in my ribs and it SUCKED, but I got through it.  GL!
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  • I think everyone has comments about everything once you are pregnant/become a parent.  Just ignore them  =)
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  • I've been lucky because most people (esp my doctor's office) say "good for you!"

    Or the ones that haven't given birth yet might say "you're braver than me.." Which usually makes me mention the big ass needle that makes me not so brave!

    The only neg. comments I've seen is usually on here... 

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  • Yes I get these comments, but I really don't care what people say. I just tell them that I'm not a *** and that usually shuts them up. Making a hard a$$ comment like that seems to work for me. Of course I'm terrified about it though since anything can happen, but I won't let them know that. :)
  • Just ignore people's comments.  Someone will have something to say about any labor plan you are planning to have.  Just don't share with many people if it discourages you.
  • Try not to let people get to you. It may be easier to just keep this to yourself. If anyone asks, tell them you haven't decided if you want to get the epi or not, you'll know when the time comes. I plan on getting the epi and what I hear is the complete opposite. "Oh, that isn't good for the baby" and "you should at least try to go unmedicated." Either way you choose to go, you are gonna get lectured from somebody.
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  • Yup - I get this all the time. I either get point blank laughed at (how frickin rude is that?) to the usual comments of "okay, just wait and see" and then I end up feeling like I have to justify myself. WTH? I don't even ask the question to other pg ladies what they're method of pain relief they'll use....let alone blatently judge them for making a choice when it's their body...not mine!

    I find that the rudest or most cynical people are the ones that have been through childbirth before....those are the "okay...you just wait and see how that goes" comments. I always wonder if it's because they ended up with an epidural and feel guilty or something? Not my problem...I think to each their own...epi or no epi....it's your choice and your body - do what you think is best for you. I wish I would get the same respect in return!

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  • Have you considered hiring a doula? It is an added expense, but she could definitely assist you with different laboring techniques and postions, and communicating with hospital staff, etc. I have one and she has been invaluable so far in answering simple questions that I have so I don't have to call the midwife for everything.

    Regardless, don't let people get to you. I used to be one of the people who thought others who did unmedicated labor were insane; several things changed my mind about 6 months into pregnancy. I've been on both sides of the argument, so I can see why people say what they do, but like PP said, women have been doing this for a bazillion years, most of them WITHOUT drugs. It is totally possible.

  • Yup.  I get that from my own family (except my mom).  My sister tells me that all the time and I told her "With no support from people like you, you might be right.  Good thing you will not be with me when I deliver."  I would never say that to anyone, I would support anyone who wants natural 100%.  She might be right, but I won't know until I am there...


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  • I have the same happen to me...even the L&D nurse looked at me funny when I said that I wanted to try without meds...

    It doesn't bother me, but that's because I know that I will only take as much as I can handle.  And I think I may be able to handle childbirth, but if I ultimately feel the need for medication, so be it.  I know that I can't have my heart set on anything, because you just never know what is going to happen.

     It helps to remember what my childbirth instructor said...she's been working in L&D for 20 years now...through vaginal deliveries, c-sections, medicated and not...she has never seen an "unnatural" birth.

    Just face it, you can have your heart completely set on something and be devastated if it doesn't happen the exact way you imagined...or you can know what you prefer, but be open to changes if necessary.  Keep a positive attitude and an open mind and you'll be fine.

     (Oh, and laugh in everyone's face if you do it the way you always said you would!)

  • I'm not planning on having an unmedicated birth, but I think that you should go for it if it's something you really want to do - and ignore their comments. I've had two friends recently who both delivered naturally and they made it through just fine!
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  • This comment was a S/O of a HUGE epi discussion we had last week, and I must say I was guilty of a form of this...I dont think I was ever negative in my comments more so just amazed at someones strength to actually go through it.  But like I said in a pp I am a whimp when it comes to pain.  So I cant imagine someone wanting to go through that.

    Anyway, I say all of that to say - who gives a flying rats a$$ what anyone else thinks...as long as your fine with your decision - then forget about what others say.

    I for one admire any and all who can do this!!!

  • I've actually had the opposite response--I am planning on meds, and people are accusing me of being a "wuss."  But the bottom line is the same: people butting in their noses where they have no business.  Whether you plan to go with or without meds, don't let anyone else's opinion deter you from your ideal birth experience.   Like others have mentioned, women for thousands of years have done it without any medications.  If that is what you want, barring any extraordinary circumstances, then you can do it.
  • I am betting that they are projecting their own feelings of being unable to go unmedicated through childbirth. If that is how you want to give birth then more power to you. Screw what anyone else thinks. :)  Best of luck to you!
  • I think people say this for the same reason they all feel compelled to tell pregnant women horror stories of birth.  (I haven't figured out what that is by the way!)

    I have started telling people that this is my plan.  I will be at home in no pain at all.  My water will break so I will head to the hospital where I will be checked and found to be at 10 cm.  The dr will tell me to push, I will give one tiny little push and they will hand me a beautifully clean baby.  When their jaws drop in suprise or they start laughing I tell them not to mess with a preganant chick's dream.  Anything's possible, right?


  • Answer: Because they're nosy jerks who feel superior.

    I don't get this too much because I usually explain it as 'I won't have the option', which is mostly true. I would have to transfer to a hospital to get medication, and that would be pretty inconvenient. Everyone who has given birth at my birth center did it without anaesthesia, because there isn't an anaesthesiologist on staff!

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