Okay, so basically I'm looking for advice, not someone to chew me out.
I just found out that I'm pregnant again....my son is 5 1/2 months old. I'm freaking out, because there are several reasons I'm not ready for this.
1) my marriage is slowly being reassembled from my husband's affair.
2) we are financially STRAPPED as it is. I'm not working anymore (I was doing in-home childcare), DH's hours have been cut at work, and we've already had to think about (oh GAWD) moving in with one of our parents, since we can't find a reasonable apartment or a roommate (which I'm kind of uncomfortable with anyway). All of the above is doing WONDERS for my marriage rehab, as you can imagine.
3) I don't think my son is old enough to have a sibling. DH and I wanted 5 YEARS so DS could be more independent and we wouldn't have the stress of two babies, two toddlers, etc.
4) I'm emotionally not ready, not to mention I just applied for law school. As it is, DS was a suprise--a WONDERFUL one that I wouldn't trade for the world, but unexpected anyway.
It's really weird. I'm really angry about being pregnant again. It's the second time I've gotten pregnant on birth control--first the Patch, now condoms. It's the worst possible time to find out that I'm pregnant, and I don't even know how far along I am....since we've been using protection I don't have an "educated" guess, and I flat-out can't remember exactly how long ago my last period was. I'm pretty sure it was about a month ago, but I'm second guessing myself because I'm freaking out, and my cycle wasn't back to normal yet. I've only had two period since DS was born.
I'm thinking that the logical step would be to have an abortion, but I'm worried about how I'd feel afterward, and while I believe that both children would be worse off being so close together, I'm wondering if I could handle it. Then I start thinking about the nightmare of having to support two babies, a year apart....especially when right now we're not even making ends meet. And what if we have to move in with family? EEK. That just adds a whole new dimension. I don't even want our parents to know that I'm pregnant again, I feel like a pregnant teenager, with no resources and nothing to offer a child.
Does anyone have any suggestions or neutral insight? I'm lost, and can't believe I'm facing this situation again, barely a year after the first time.